My beautiful mother was laid to rest today. I skipped the funeral. For a lot of reasons. My mom and I haven’t been close to her side of the family for years. We always declined invitations, on the rare occasions we were invited. Our family has hurt us both a lot. Also, I even told my mother a few months ago before she got sick, that I wouldn’t go to her funeral because it would hurt too much. And I meant it. I said my goodbyes to her yesterday in the funeral home and they did an excellent job with her hair and makeup. I’ve never seen her so beautiful before. I got such a peaceful sense of being around her yesterday I was her care taker these past few years and even helped her after death by helping to plan the funeral, even though I chose not to attend. I want to remember her in happier times when she was living. I just wanted to be alone today and not see or talk to anyone. I even shut my phone off, smoked a blunt, and laid down for a nap and just enjoyed the day to myself thinking about my mom. I’m so happy she’s at peace now. Now I’m thinking/focusing on my future and what my next step is. Maybe I can move somewhere new where no one knows me. Just start over. I don’t know. But I have my whole life ahead of me and I’m gonna make my mama proud. She was an amazing mother and we have always been incredibly close since the moment I was born. We were closer than most mothers and daughters. She was my best friend. My reason for breathing. My reason for living. My reason for waking up in the morning. I still have a reason for living though. My faith in God, my cats, Bobby, my father, my sister, and my friends and my fans!!!!! I’m gonna be okay. I got this. đŸ˜‰
