Category: Family

Wednesday, May 21st, 2025

Bobby was released from the hospital yesterday. I’m so happy he’s home! Well, he spent all of yesterday with me and last night. He had to go home today though to take care of some stuff. I’m hoping he’ll be okay by himself tonight because he did just get out of the hospital. But he’s stubborn AF so I’m just gonna let him do his own thing and pray that he’s okay, but then again, I’ve always been a worrier. He’s officially moving in with me and is working on getting all of his stuff out of his apartment and moved into storage so he can officially start living with me. I was a little hesitant at first about him moving in here, but after this weekend with that hospital scare, I realized that this man is trying to give me everything I want. Love and a happy home. He’s offering to pay my bills and let me not work if I chose not to. He says I don’t have to work. So I’ll just keep camming as my hustle because it’s fucking fun anyway teasing guys and getting a cheap thrill out of it. So, I’ll let him pay the bills while I keep fucking around on my webcam and making guys horny. 😉

I even managed to get the housekeepers out Monday morning. They got the apartment so clean and thank God! Bobby’s daughter, who I met for the first time yesterday, brought us home from the hospital yesterday and came inside so I’m glad she could see a clean house! Now, I just need to keep on top of the housework better because I can’t afford to keep hiring housekeepers. It was $246 for them to clean on Monday. And my apartment is a small one bedroom and wasn’t even that messy! I mostly needed the bathtub and the stove cleaned and now both look great.

Saturday, May 10th, 2025

I am so ungodly hungover. My head is spinning. I have no one to blame but myself. Okay, I also blame my sister. I went to the smoke shop last night for another weed and then walked into the liquor store next door for the very first time. It was weird. I live in an apartment complex and next door is a strip mall/shopping center that’s two stories high. On the top level is jiu jitzu (spelling?) and a bunch of empty office buildings. On the lower bottom level is the smoke shop, a place that sells hams, a convenience store, the smoke shop that also sells sex toys, a liquor store…and a school. Yes, a school for elementary school aged children with a liquor store next door and a smoke shop two doors down that also sells obscene sex toys. Only in Seattle. Anyway, I went over to my sister Lindsey’s house. Her birthday was last week so I went over. I bought a marijuana vape and a 16 ounce bottle of whipped cream flavored vodka and I got drunk and high as fuck and totally wasted and didn’t get home until after midnight. I hopped on my webcam for an hour while still drunk and had some fun and then passed out and fell asleep. I am so hungover today. My God, I am hungover. My head is spinning and I am purely exhausted and have no energy or motivation. Bobby is wanting to meet me at 3 pm at the Chinese buffet but I’m hungover, damn it. I can barely crawl out of bed, let alone walk a few blocks to the buffet. I’m not even hungry. Damn it. This is going to suck! But last night was a good night and it felt good to have some girl time.

Some weirdo, another stalker (I get a lot of those), emailed me again yesterday. First time told me he was a big fan and blah, blah, blah. Second email was creepy, like the ones he’s sent me in previous months, claiming he was engaged to me and I take down my website immediately and all this crazy ass shit but when he had emailed me the day before, he claimed he didn’t know me. Every few months/weeks, this wacko will randomly email me, and say we’re engaged and all this other crazy shit. I know he’s obviously got some mental illness going on since he’s clearly not thinking straight but I swear, I have more weird stalkers than any other cam girl out there. I still get emails/texts/chats/comments almost daily from people claiming they were scammed by someone stealing my photos. I don’t know of any other model with stalkers to the degree I have them but then again, I’ve been a cam girl for 20+ years and have been well established for some time now, but it’s still creepy/annoying AF.

Wednesday, May 7th, 2025

I’m kinda freaking out. Life got weird yesterday. So, I started distancing myself from my family in 2017 when I stopped going to family gatherings. However, I did stay in touch with my aunt Tracy. When my mom died 3 months ago, I didn’t know where I stood with my family. I stayed in touch to some degree for my mother who had been sick for a long time but my mother and I stopped attending family events years ago. But we did stay in touch. I’d get angry at her sometimes for speaking to them though. I’ve also got an older half brother from my mom’s first marriage (she had me in her second marriage which was to my dad). Anyway, Jonathan (my older half brother) and I have never been close. When I was 4, my parents divorced and Jonathan went back to live with his dad, while I stayed with my mother. Anyway, since my mom got sick over Christmas, I’ve been forced into speaking to my family more. Aunts, uncles, and brother included. I was also forced to see them some since January but I did the best I could since my mom was dying. Anyway, she died on January 30th and yesterday, I finally made a decision on where I stand with my family. My aunt Tracy was texting me yesterday asking me a hundred and one questions about Bobby, his job history, how long he worked at each job he ever had, how old he was, why was he getting paid so much money every month in social security, etc. I’m thinking “Bitch, even my own mama never interrogated me like this!” So I finally stopped responding to her questions because I’m too fucking old to be giving anyone an explanation on my life or my fiance’s entire life history! I still don’t know why she was asking these questions about him but I felt like it was out of line. Then my brother called me last night and it was just awkward. Again, we’ve never been close and I didn’t know where our relationship stood when our mom died but he is making some effort to stay in touch. But he just makes me feel so stupid sometimes. Of course he’s college educated and super smart. But it just went awkward last night. So, like I’m at this weird place where I’m trying to decide if I want to keep my family in my life anymore since my mom died and what place in my life they play. Because, again, I stopped seeing them for a reason and would have stopped speaking to them too if it wasn’t for my mom. I just want to distance myself from them completely and live my life without having to answer to anyone. I am grown, after all.

Bobby also told me yesterday that he’s getting evicted from his apartment and he’s wanting to move in with me full time and I just don’t think I’m ready for that and I’m trying to figure out how to handle the situation. I don’t want to live with him full time again. We tried it once and it was hell. We lasted 8 months living together before I moved out and now he’s wanting to move in together again and I just don’t know if I want a man living with me full time. I like my independence and being able to send him home when I want. So I gotta figure out how to handle that situation as well because I’m just not ready for that kind of commitment again. Not just yet. 🙁

2:08 p.m: I’m just now able to add a picture to today’s blog post! I always try to add a picture to every post but it wouldn’t let me this morning because WordPress was being a dick! Anyway, enjoy today’s picture. 😉

Wednesday, March 26th, 2025

Hey guys! I’m so sorry for not posting in a few days. My mom passed away two months ago and I’ve really been struggling with the grief and depression that comes along with your very best friend dying. She was my rock, my world, my everything…my reason for breathing and getting up everyday and to go on without her has been a struggle. But I’ve been doing better the past couple of days and am so grateful that I have Bobby by my side to help me through it because I don’t know if I could have survived the grief without him. I went on a job interview yesterday and don’t think I got it and I’ve got another one tomorrow so we’ll see how that goes. I took a few days off from camming but am getting back into it again today so that helps a lot to keep me busy and my mind off of things. I still love flirting with my fans online and am always glad when I get to play with them and release some of this sexual tension! I’ll be posting more on here so keep checking back. 😉

Friday, February 21st, 2025

My Uncle Richard died a few days ago and his funeral is Monday at 10 am. I’m undecided if I want to go. I wasn’t really that close to him. He’s my mom’s brother and it’s so weird they died 2 weeks apart! I don’t want anymore people dying! Geez. But my brother, his wife, and kids invited me over for dinner at their rental house on Sunday night for burgers so I might just go. I really miss my niece and nephews.  I love them. It’s just the rest of the family I’m not that crazy about. I’m not that close with my family, although I love them, we don’t necessarily get along. My mom was my whole world, my family, my life, my everything, and she’s gone now so it’s hard.

But I’m thankful because I have camming to take my mind off of things. I spend a lot of time on my webcam and it distracts me while getting to have fun with my fans so that has been a huge help lately. My sex drive has been through the roof lately. I’ve been bugging Bobby for a ton of sex but my pussy just has been in overdrive needing a lot of love and attention lately. Hehe. 😉

Tuesday, February 11th, 2025

I’m still hanging on and trying to move forward with my life, although I’m suffering a tremendous amount of grief and loss over my mom dying 12 days ago. I miss her so much I can’t stand it and I have a lot of guilt over mistakes that I’ve made. She was my very best friend, my reason for living, my reason for breathing, my reason for getting up in the morning, and now that she’s gone, I’m having trouble finding reasons to get out of the bed in the morning. It’s just like this huge hole inside my heart is missing and will never heal. I try and stay busy and stay strong. I’ve been spending a lot of time with my cats and with Bobby. My Uncle Phillip came over Sunday to bring some of my mom’s things from the funeral like flowers and the eulogy and funeral programs. It just hurts so bad that she died. I’ve never experienced a loss this profound before. They say time heals all wounds. I hope they’re right because this pain now seems never ending and I’m just devastated and shattered on the inside. I feel so lost without my best friend here. I died with her that day and I’ll never be whole again. 🙁

Friday, February 7th, 2025

My beautiful mother was laid to rest today. I skipped the funeral. For a lot of reasons. My mom and I haven’t been close to her side of the family for years. We always declined invitations, on the rare occasions we were invited. Our family has hurt us both a lot. Also, I even told my mother a few months ago before she got sick, that I wouldn’t go to her funeral because it would hurt too much. And I meant it. I said my goodbyes to her yesterday in the funeral home and they did an excellent job with her hair and makeup. I’ve never seen her so beautiful before. I got such a peaceful sense of being around her yesterday I was her care taker these past few years and even helped her after death by helping to plan the funeral, even though I chose not to attend. I want to remember her in happier times when she was living. I just wanted to be alone today and not see or talk to anyone.  I even shut my phone off, smoked a blunt, and laid down for a nap and just enjoyed the day to myself thinking about my mom. I’m so happy she’s at peace now. Now I’m thinking/focusing on my future and what my next step is. Maybe I can move somewhere new where no one knows me. Just start over. I don’t know. But I have my whole life ahead of me and I’m gonna make my mama proud. She was an amazing mother and we have always been incredibly close since the moment I was born. We were closer than most mothers and daughters. She was my best friend. My reason for breathing. My reason for living. My reason for waking up in the morning. I still have a reason for living though. My faith in God, my cats, Bobby, my father, my sister, and my friends and my fans!!!!! I’m gonna be okay. I got this. 😉

Wednesday, February 5th, 2025

Sorry for the lack of updates lately, guys! I mean, I’m still camming and doing shows and everything and getting to interact with my fans is helping me so much with the loss of my mom. I’m still missing her like crazy. She passed way 6 days ago and I’m beyond devastated. More than words can say. A piece of me died with her that day. COVID killed her and her heart finally gave out and just stopped. I know she’s with the Lord now and isn’t suffering anymore, but dang, I’ve never experience a sadness or a loss this profound before. I’m trying not to cry or let myself feel anything because once I start crying, I can’t stop. Yesterday was especially bad but I pulled through it. But like I said, I’m still doing cam shows several hours a day and that’s helping keep me occupied and have some fun! I’m working over on Streamate a lot now camming for them and make decent money. I need to get more active on LoyalFans again (like OnlyFans but better….there’s a link here on my site). My weed man also hooked me up so I spent most the day high and in a good mood. Lol. I needed that. 😉 I’m gonna pass out and sleep real good tonight. Lol.

Saturday, February 1st, 2025

I’m sorry I haven’t posted more, guys. My mom died on Thursday, January 30th at 3:59 in the morning. Her heart finally gave out and it stopped. COVID killed her. I’m devastated beyond words. I’m mostly numb and in shock though. She was my best friend, my world, my rock, my everything. my reason for breathing, my reason for living. I got the call at 4:32 in the morning Thursday morning. I was already up because I had just got done camming a little while earlier and was taking a break before I got back on again. I immediately rushed down there to see her and she was still warm, except for her hands which were cold and turning blue. I stayed with her for a couple of hours before leaving to come home. It’s still such a shock to me. I miss her so much. It just feels so unreal. I mean, she’s been sick for a long time and had been in a coma for over 3 weeks and even spent her 71st birthday in a coma. She fought as hard as she could for as long as she could. My brother came up yesterday and we started planning the funeral. He never came up to visit her while she was sick in the hospital over the last 5 weeks which angered me but at least he stepped up in death and is paying for everything for her funeral which is good because I can’t afford it on my own. It’s going to cost thousands of dollars. A part of me is missing. A part of me died with her. The pain is unreal. Most of the time, I can’t cry just because it still doesn’t feel real. But when I do cry, I can’t stop it. That’s why I can’t let myself cry. I don’t want to feel anything but numb. My mom’s viewing is next Thursday evening and the funeral is the day after, next Friday.

Yesterday morning, I woke up around 5:30 to go to the bathroom. I was out of my room for no more than 30 seconds and came back into my bedroom to lay back down and go back to sleep when I noticed the neon rainbow colored Christmas lights hanging on the ceiling above my bed were all lit up. I did not turn them on and Bobby says he didn’t either. He doesn’t even know how and I don’t see how he could’ve even done it that quickly because you have to actually  unplug stuff from the outlet and then turn the lights on and you can’t do that in 30 seconds or less. He was out cold when I came back in. I think it was my mom saying she was with me and that she’s okay and that brought me so much comfort. <3

I miss my mom so much. 🙁

Thursday, January 23rd, 2025

Wow, I cannot believe I spent 8 hours on cam last night! I’m really trying to hustle to pay my bills and get some money back in savings, plus honestly, I get so lonely lately with my mom sick in the hospital, that getting to talk to my fans and interact with them and play, really takes my mind off of things and cheers me up, even for just a little while. Camming and playing is a great distraction. And a big thanks to a special fan who cared enough about me to send me some gift cards and help out financially! It’s been a huge blessing and put a smile on my face for the first time in a long time where I was genuinely happy. He knows who he is. I love my fans!!! 😉

I made pork chops and chicken flavored rice tonight for dinner for Bobby. I just need to decide on a vegetable. I’m just hoping he likes it but he always seems to love my cooking which makes me happy.

My brother is a selfish, mean, controlling asshole with no fucking heart. We got into it last night and this morning over my mom’s care and he said some pretty hurtful things and it just killed me and what’s worse, he doesn’t even care. I cannot wait until this asshole is out of my life for good. The only reason I’ve maintained any sort of relationship with him was for the sake of my mother and she’s fighting for her life in the ICU and he is in just denial about the severity of the situation and is wanting to keep her alive on machines with no hope of her waking up and she wouldn’t want that. It just hurts that her suffering is causing a rift between us. My mother wouldn’t want this. It’s breaking my heart how mean he was, and what’s worse, he doesn’t even care.